


The more you try to not remember it’s more likely you will

by akuchan



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27759745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akuchan/pseuds/akuchan
Summary: Shouyous memories, Utsuro looking through Shoyou's memories. Utsuro centred.spoilers to Shirogane no tamasha hen and from episode 305ends at the battle with Utsuro's battle with Gintoki before the two-year time skip
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki/ Yoshida Shoyou, Sakata Gintoki/Utsuro
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	The more you try to not remember it’s more likely you will

Gaining control of his body Utsuro started to plan for his revenge, his end. Becoming a member of Tendoushu was easier than thought, they are brats according to Utsuros eyes who were drowning in the fantasy of immortality. After his succession and becoming a member, he came back to his old hideout, One of Naraku’s owned mansions where he lived with Oboro until left as Shouyou. When he reached the mansion it was already nightfall, the bright silver moon was shining in the sky. The mansion was in the middle of the forest and was cleverly hidden between trees, the gentle night breeze flowed, rustling the leaves and swaying the branches but all the sounds suddenly stopped as if the time had stopped like the forest is warning the creatures nearby that something sinister is approaching. There appeared a lone shadow slowly walking towards the mansion. His body was covered in a black cloak which had a slight tint of a dark green, face covered by a straw hat and a black coloured half Tengu mask. Long hair swaying back and forth with his movement and his blank eyes made his image even more creepy and unsettling. 

Upon reaching the mansion he was greeted by Oboro his faithful servant even though he swore alliance with his alter ego he continued to serve him. “I have dusted the mansion and placed in some daily necessary items in your room” informed Oboro short and precise were his answers, slightly smiling in his usual sinister way and he and Oboro went inside. Oboro was guiding him to his room and check if there are any other things Utsuro required before leaving the mansion. They slowly walked in silence on the Engawa and suddenly Utsuro’s gaze shifted towards the garden under the lush pine tree there was a boy with bright silver hair, the boy was 6 or 7 years old, was wearing a light blue Yukata with a bright red obi which was tied as a ribbon in the back, two ends of the ribbon were flowing in the air, the boy was silently staring at the moon and then slowly turned back and shifted his gaze towards Utsuro, bright red eyes full of life meeting sharp red eyes with a dull colour. A smile broke out in the boy’s face, a peaceful smile, looking so content and happy like he was the happiest person in the whole world but Utsuro immediately realized that the smile was not directed towards him but the something he killed with his hands. His eyebrows snitched to form frow towards that child, he was immediately brought back to reality by Oboro’s call “is everything alright, Utsuro sams?” …... he paused for a moment before answering a simple “un, It’s nothing”, they began walking again. Utsuro did not turn back to look at the child as he was already gone. 

Utsuro detached any memories and feelings Shoyo had including Oboro’s but the memories one boy with silver curls persisted, haunted him day in and out, He knew the boy’s name but never dared to spit it out, the name his alter ego gave the boy so lovingly. The illusions of the boy’s figure walking in his lazy manner, he remembers The boy’s sent whenever he smelled something sweet, the boy’s silver locks when he gazes up the moon, the warmth of the boy’s body, he remembers the grasp of the tiny hands in his whenever he holds a sword, the boy’s smile just flashes his mind without a warning that content smile looking like he is the happiest person on earth whenever he gazed at him, It was not only in his sleep and but just random moments. 

Utsuro wanted to rewrite his memories erase the figure which was haunting him, paint the smiling face in despair, paint the boy’s thoughts in pain and hopelessness, crush his spirit, break his sword, make him to never stand again so that he will longer haunt him. The perfect opportunity came by, the escape of Jouishishi Katsura, Shinsengumi commander Kondou Isao and chief of police Matsudaira Katakuriko and among the people who came in aid their escape was none other the boy he now wants to put an end to before the world. He landed defeating every single foe who dared to encounter, Yato or the former member of Naraku ‘Mukuro’, none of them truly mattered, and then he was informed by Oboro that the rat he was most fascinated with had already burned to crisp, he was slightly disappointed, he wanted to see him sink the boy into the pits of despair and end his life with his hands and wondered would the boy’s images still hunt even after the boy’s death, his train of thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sudden scream and slash which removed his straw hat covering his face. With a single smile he shook the boy to his core, at that moment he realized even after all this time the boy’s heart couldn’t forget him ‘Shoyou’, After a few quick blows, swords play based on pure instincts and muscle memory, like having a reunion with a sword which were clashed thousands of times,......the mask was finally torn apart revelling a face of full nostalgia, ah how he waited for this moment the boy’s face just sinking into despair until he was waked by his thought by a scream. He missed his chance to kill him but he surely inflicted the pain he wanted. 

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It was not supposed to end like, he was sure his plan went on perfectly he pitted the entire universe against the boy and humanity, despair, fear, confusion, pain, sadness should be emotions the boy was feeling yet why does he still stand up, why does even though he face was screaming in pain like the time he was forced to kill Shoyou yet why does he still stand, finally he realized the reason why he could not erase the boy’s image from his memories why he could not go against him because he was just a small fragment, a small part of eternity he lived it was not Shoyo who was but a mere fragment. At this realization, something awakened something lying dormant inside of him finally responded to the screams of the boy, the only option left to defeat him, exact his revenge and end himself was to separate himself from the very existence he thought he ended.


End file.
